Agora Journal Volume 11, 2020
Can’t You Hear Your Parent’s Accent?
Lucy Deitzer
Winner of the Student Writer Award Bronze Medal, Creative Category (1st-2nd Year)

If you were to take a look at me, you’d see a typical twenty-five-year-old Canadian
college student. I get average grades in English and can write a half-decent essay, as evidenced
by my history of C+s to B+s. I’ve never claimed to be the “grammar police” or one of those
people who can write beautifully flowing essays at the drop of a hat, but I have been hooked on
reading and writing since the day I was able to read my first book on my own, and fell in love
with the written word.
This is why I felt such an affinity toward the personal essay “Mother Tongue” by Amy
Tan. Tan does not claim to be an amazing scholar or expert linguist, but she is a writer
nonetheless. She is a lover of language, and she understands the power behind it. She and I both
grew up with mothers who immigrated to North America from Asia and learned English as their
second language while raising first-generation North American children. Growing up with a
parent who speaks English as a second language has affected various aspects of my life and the
woman I have grown into. Tan’s story has many parallels to mine, and children of immigrant
parents will be familiar with our stories, or some variation of them, all too well.
As a brief disclaimer: both of my parents are immigrants to Canada. My mother came
here from the Philippines and my father from Austria. However, because Tan’s essay focuses on
her personal experiences of growing up with a mother who emigrated from Asia, and my mother
also emigrated from Asia, that is going to be the focus of this essay, too.
Growing up as a first-generation daughter in a country that views her parents as
foreigners comes with its own unique set of challenges, to say the least. Tan illustrates this in her
various reflections, experiences, and thoughts that she compiles in “Mother Tongue.” As a firstgeneration child, the impact of language spreads its roots into all aspects of your life: it affects

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how people treat you, opportunities that are given to you or taken from you, and how your
perception of yourself and your mother changes as you grow.
Both of my parents immigrated to Canada looking for a better life. My mother was in her
late 30s when she came from the Philippines as a nanny, and my father left Austria to escape his
failed forestry business. They had my brother and I later in their lives, and their decision not to
teach us German or Tagalog was made because the only common language they both could
understand was English. However, their decision was accompanied by the consequence that I
first learned to communicate in a unique variation of English, which combined Asian sentence
structuring with German grammar. At a young age, you don’t realize your parent’s English is
classified as “broken,” but the older I got, the more inherently aware of it I became. I can recall
countless instances where my friends were not able to understand what my mom had asked them
due to her Filipino accent. My friends would look confused and ask her to repeat herself, or just
smile politely and nod, clearly not understanding but pretending they had. Tan notes her own
experience with this type of situation in her essay: “Yet some of my friends tell me they
understand fifty percent of what my mother says. Some say they understand eighty to ninety
percent. Some say they understand none of it, as if she were speaking pure Chinese. But to me,
my mother’s English is perfectly clear, perfectly natural. It is my mother tongue” (396).
Language and communication are not solely about being grammatically and phonetically
precise. The appropriate emotion of the words uttered is as important as the words chosen, and
my true friends loved how vibrant and comical my mother’s Filipino English was. They could
feel the warmth, joy, and love behind her words. However, this was not always the case. For me,
there were two worlds of language: the one spoken at home and the more formal, acceptable one
used by the rest of the world.
Kozier states that “verbal communication is the most obvious cultural difference” (216).
There have been many cases in my life where this difference has been very apparent in regard to
how I witnessed other people stereotype my mother and the preconceptions they tended to have
about Asians in general. On a Delta Air Lines flight, the agent asked my mom if she was
comfortable with sitting in an exit row as she would be responsible for letting people off the
plane if it needed to make an emergency landing. My mom responded with, “Sorry, I didn’t
understand what you said,” as in “Sorry, could you please repeat that?”, but the airline agent
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abruptly told her she would be moving her to a different seat because she could not understand
English. If I had been the one asking for clarification in my North American accent, I am sure the
agent would have kindly repeated herself.
The stereotypes and misconceptions others form about my mother because of how she
speaks English has become my personal social justice issue that I challenge. These are largely
the assumptions of native English speakers that she does not understand or is less educated due
to her accent or imperfect grammar. The world of some native English speakers places merit and
value on grammar and semantics while shaming those who cannot express themselves in what
they consider to be their version of ideal. Feelings of shame crept in to haunt my younger self
and Tan based on our own experiences. Like Tan, “I was ashamed of her English. The fact that
people in department stores, at banks, and at restaurants did not take her seriously, did not give
her good service, pretended not to understand her, or even acted as if they did not hear her”
(396). The shame then developed into fear about my own language skills. When entering
kindergarten, my brother and I were both paired up with another student who was our “language
buddy.” Before even meeting us, our teachers had already assumed that we would need help in
learning how to communicate properly. Even as I’m writing this essay for a college-level course,
it is a conscious fear of mine that my language skills will never be as proficient as those of the
people around me.
Tan addresses the effects that language has on a child, writing, “I do think that the
language spoken in the family, especially in immigrant families which are insular, plays a large
role in shaping the language of the child” (397). I agree with her. As I have grown, I have
become aware that the upbringing I had has shaped me into the culturally aware person I am
today.
As I enter into the profession of nursing, it has been noted in various instructor feedbacks
that I am adaptable, empathetic and able to easily understand those around me due to my
awareness of personal beliefs and values. According to Stanhope, the definition of cultural
knowledge is “The information necessary to provide nurses with an understanding of the
organizational elements of cultures and to provide effective nursing care” (595). I have not only
accepted but also learned to embrace my background because I greatly value and appreciate the
influence my mother’s language has had on me.
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Tan has led me to reflect upon my mother’s English, the challenges we both have faced
and the person I have grown into today. I am not an A+ English student or a perfect
communicator, and neither is my mother. However, I am rebelling against the stereotypes and
misconceptions of language and stripping communication back to its core. The essence and
power behind words can evoke emotion, illustrate an image, explain complexities, or reveal
simple truths. Language is a vital tool, and it includes the thick accented English of my sweet
mother. And while at times it can be intricate or eccentric, there are many, many times when it is
not. It can also simply evoke love, humor, and warmth. I hope my own language skills do just
that.

Works Cited

Kozier, Barbara, et al. Fundamentals of Canadian Nursing: Concepts, Process, and Practice. 4th
ed., Pearson, 2017.
Stanhope, Marcia, et al. Community Health Nursing in Canada. 3rd ed., Elsevier Canada, 2016.
Tan, Amy. “Mother Tongue”. The Seagull Reader. 3rd ed., Edited by Joseph Kelly, Norton, 2016.

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